Due Dates

•Final Then and Now Draft Due on Friday (11/2)

•College 500 word essay due Friday (11/2) Make sure there is a word count listed at bottom of page!!!!

•If you want feedback for a second college essay, staple it to the back.

Proof-Reading College Essays for Content and Style

•  The opening sentence (and the opening ¶ as a whole) should intrigue the audience. Gauge the power of the opening; What can you revise if it falls short of compelling. Avoid bland openings. Think how you can help the reader experience what you are going through.

• Underline all the sentences that you believe fall under the “personal reflection” section of your prompt. Does this seem to be at least 1/3 of the total essay? Does it actually show the reader how this experience has shaped you?

•What final impression of the writer does the end of the last ¶ make? At the end, if the writing just seems to fade away, what can you do to form a more solid conclusion?

•Re-Read your prompt. Are you actually answering what it is asking? Or are you spending too much time on only one aspect of the prompt? (Personal Quality vs. Impact on you).

 

•Voice: What final impression does the author make?

•Do you hear the author’s narrative voice in the essay?  What personality comes through?  Do you have a favorable impression of this person, especially with the reflection?  Make suggestions if you think this person will not come across as s/he intended.

 

•Creativity and word choice:

·Box the first word of each sentence: See any patterns?  If there are too many of the same word(s), suggest ways to work around this ineffective repetition. 

·Circle each verb: See any patterns?  Suggest strong, specific verbs to replace generic ones; make sure you are operating in the same tense throughout.

·Redundancy: Are there other ineffective repetitions used by the writer? Make suggestions above the words you feel may need replacing.

Reflecitve Essay Rubric

	Clarity/ Technical	Effectiveness	Description
A	Essay is written with few or no grammatical errors. Sentences are not over-packed or too short. The writer has a variety of sentence structures that he/she uses in presenting ideas. The essay is at least 2-4 pages.	The essay contains essential reflective qualities including well balanced sections on experience, personal reflection, and universal reflection. The essay has a message that is either clear throughout most of the essay or is incorporated in a very effective manner by the end.	The essay does an effective job in portraying the experience of their reflective essay to the reader. The essay uses at least three sensory details and at least two instances of figurative language.
B	Essay has some grammatical and structural errors but they do not deeply impact the clarity of the writing. Minor issues remain on writing effective sentences. The essay is not quite 2 pages.	The essay contains essential sections on experience, personal reflection, and universal reflection, but may not be effectively balanced. The essay’s message is clear by the end of the essay.	The essay is able to show the reader key aspects of the experience that was significant to the writer. The essay uses two instances of figurative language along with sensory details.
C	Essay has a noticeable amount of grammatical and structural errors which at times takes away from the clarity of the writing. Sentences may be over-packed or too short with little structural variety. The essay falls short of the minimum length and requires some more content.	The essay contains a section on an experience, but has difficulty elaborating on personal and universal significance/ reflection. The essay’s message is slightly convoluted or is incorporated later in the essay.	The essay tells the reader about the experience that was significant to the writer. The essay uses an instance of figurative language and a few sensory details.
D and Below	Essay has an abundance of grammatical and structural errors which makes the writing very difficult to understand. The essay needs much more content.	The essay does not contain all the essential segments for a reflective essay. The essay’s message is not clear.	The essay is not entirely effective in sharing the experience that was significant to the writer. The essay does not use figurative language and uses few sensory details.

Adding Figurative Language to Reflective Write-Up #10

 

•Simile: a comparison btw two things using the words “like” or “as.” Remember, your comparison has the ability to set a specific mood for your writing.

oAs I sat there waiting, I realized it was as  quiet as a forgotten corpse outside, which made me wonder when she was finally going to show up.

oAs I sat there waiting, I realized it was as quiet as winter’s first snow tumbling to the ground on Christmas Eve. This quietness made me wonder when she was going to show up.

•Look back at your reflective write-up and add a simile that works with your description. Think about what kind of mood you want to set.

•Metaphor- A direct comparison btw two things that does not use “like” or “as.”

oThe waiter kept looking at me. A true night-owl with those glaring eyes, taking in any suspicious behavior. He would be the first to go.

 

•Look at your descriptive paragraph. Now add a metaphor to it in your description of the painting.

•Personification- the attribution of a human characteristic and emotion to inanimate objects, animals, or abstract ideas. 

 

oThe coffee began to call me closer with its rich roasted scent. I had to stay awake I thought as I sipped the final drops.

 

oNow add a sentence using personification to your own paragraph.

College Essay Prompts- 500 Words

Choose one of the following prompts to answer:

UC Prompt:

         Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

 

Common Application:

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

 

Non-College Prompt:

     Choose one word or phrase that holds significance to you. In a 600 word essay, share an experience that you have had that shows how this word or phrase has meaning in your life.

 

 

Revising Your Literature Analysis Essays: T.R.E.A.T

 

When revising your body paragraphs, use the T.R.E.A.T model to make sure that you are checking off each essential quality that can make your body paragraph successful in supporting your thesis statement.

T- topic sentence. Make sure you ahve a clear topic sentence that states what ideas, themes, or concepts you will be exploring in this paragraph. (you probably want to keep it specifc and avoid generalities).

R- reasoning. It is in this section that you will be using about one sentence of "background information" or "plot summary" to set up the context of your quote and analysis. But section must also be used to display a "reason" why your topic sentence is relevant to the literature you are reading.

E- evidence. This would be your selected quote.

A- analysis. Don't just state what the quote "shows" in broad terms, actually discuss this "showing." Refer back to the language of your quote and connect the dots to the reader. This will be the longest section of the body paragraph. Usually it will take at least three sentences.

T- tie it together. Wrap up your thoughts not by just restating your topic sentence, but by presenting your topic in a new way given the analysis you just provided.

Literature Analysis Essays

Make sure that your thesis statement fits the three “P’s”: Prompt, Provable, Purpose.

Your thesis should relate to the prompt, be an argument that is provable, and actually be specific enough so that it has purpose. To add purpose, make sure that you stay away from broad statements and instead show some specifics. Also ask ho or why this may be important:

Bad example: Throughout Kesey’s novel One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest, there is a power struggle between McMurphy and Nurse Ratched.

-If this was your thesis statement, then there is really nothing to prove. It is already pretty obvious that there is a power struggle. Instead, ask how this power struggle influences the novel or why this power struggle plays out the way it does. Always make sure your thesis (and thus your essay) has a purpose. You can do this by stating why the author does what he/she does.

Good example: Throughout Kesey’s novel One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest, a power struggle between McMurphy and Nurse Ratched takes place that demonstrates how authoritative figures can only be brought down through the process of instilling leadership in the hearts and minds of those who are being oppressed.

Do not refer to yourself when writing literature analysis essays.

Remember, you represent your thesis and your argument, not yourself when writing literature analysis. Make your essay sound formal and not like a journal entry.

Your arguments will also sound more confident and reassuring when you state them as facts rather than as your own opinions.

Bad example: I believe that McMurphy instills a sense of individualism in the patients through his own ability to transfer the gift of laughter from himself to those under the nurse’s power.

Good example: McMurphy instills a sense of individualism in the patients through his own ability to transfer the gift of laughter from himself to those under the nurse’s power.

Move away from plot summary and towards analysis.

Make sure that your body paragraphs contain a topic sentence and no more than one sentence of plot summary (this of course can be tweaked a bit depending on the length of the paragraph). The rest of the body paragraph should focus on the quote/ text that supports your original topic sentence along with the analysis that shows why this quote is important to your argument.

Bad example: McMurphy’s arrival is one of the instances when the power struggle begins to affect the patients’ sense of individualism. After McMurphy shows up at the ward, he is immediately seen by the nurse as someone who will question the source of power in the hospital: “You’re committed, you realize. You are under the jurisdiction of me” (144). McMurphy continues to push the nurse’s buttons by watching the World Series game even when the nurse does not want him to. He even gets the patients to join him in voting to watch the game despite the nurse’s objections. McMurphy goes so far as to break down the window that separates the nurse from the patients. This all eventually leads to McMurphy finally taking the patients out on a fishing trip where they get to leave the hospital for an entire day. These instances all show how McMurphy pushes back on the nurse’s power as he gives the other patients a stronger sense of freedom and individualism.

-These are all great parts of the novel, and the arguments the writer brings up are all valid, but instead of simply listing off these different incidents in the novel, the writer should focus on one and how that example supports his or her claim. The writer also needs to make sure that the quote he/she chooses actually can be analyzed in the paragraph, and not simply forgotten.

Analyzing Quotes: Connect the dots for the reader.

Don’t just state “this quote shows…,” actually explain what it shows. Remember, the quote won’t do the “showing” alone- you need to help! Discuss how it shows this concept and why this may be important to your essay. When in doubt, always ask how and why!

Bad Example: McMurphy is the reason for why the nurse breaks down and loses her power as she reveals her true self. This is shown when the patients watch the world series: “And we were all sitting there, lined up in front of that blanked out TV set, watching the gray screen […] and she’s ranting and screaming behind us” (144). This quote shows who nurse Ratched really is and it shows how McMurphy is winning the battle for power. Without power, the nurse can only pointlessly scream at the patients without any real control.

-While this is a good quote and is an integral part of the story, the problem here is that the writer does not actually discuss how this quote supports his claim that the nurse is losing her power and McMurphy is revealing her true self. The writer needs to really drive the point home and show how this quote’s depiction of the nurse is unique and represents a turning point in the novel. The analysis after the quote should be the longest part of your body paragraph and should almost always be longer than just one or two sentences. Really drive the point home.

Good Example: One of the most troubling aspects of the novel is how Nurse Ratched can only be stripped of her power through McMurphy’s actions that reduce her to simply a sexual object for the men to laugh at. This is especially seen at the end of the novel when McMurphy breaks down the glass (symbolizing her power) for the final time and attacks her in an overtly sexual manner: “Screaming when he grabbed her and ripped her uniform all the way down the front, screaming again when the two nippled circles started from her chest and swelled out and out, bigger than anybody had ever even imagined, warm and pink in the light” (319). Kesey makes it clear in this quote that the nurse could be stripped of her power when her breasts are exposed, letting the patients realize that she is a woman and therefore, in Kesey’s mind, less threatening than the men. Even her breasts are described in the least threatening language as Kesey describes them using the word “warm” which helps to portray Nurse Ratched as just another female who simply serves a sexual purpose for the male patients. This objective view of females can be dismissed as a side-effect of the early sixties, but it still is quite revealing of Kesey’s own opinions about women. Instead of portraying the nurse as a harsh manager of a hospital who happens to be a woman, Kesey can only view feminine characters as sexualized figures inferior to men.

Reflective Writing

·         Reflective Writing: writing as exploration and discovery, not as final thought on established truths.

·         Successful reflective essays see connections between personal experiences and implications to larger, general significance and meaning.

·         Reflective Writing steps beyond autobiographical writing, which narrates a meaningful experience.

·         Reflective essays use this experience to talk about life in universal truths. Don’t just tell the story, don’t just tell why it’s important to you, explain why it has meaning beyond your own pages as well. (Avoid bumper-sticker clichés).

·         Reflective Writing Analyzes a personal incident and can discuss new dimensions of an original experience.

 

Take out your “Now and Then” writings and discuss the following questions:

What did you end up writing about? Is there somewhat of a theme in your writing?

 

Why do you think this was a topic that you chose?

 

How does this writing sample have meaning to you?

 

How might this writing sample have meaning to others?

 

How might this writing sample talk about life in universal terms?

 

Now that you have a good recording of a meaningful person, place, or experience, revise your writing on a new piece of paper by giving it the qualities of a reflective essay discussed above. How can you take your experience and write about universal truths?